BLACKSBURG, VIRGINIA — Following a deeply unserious investigation into the flying Tesla incident, this publication can confirm that Shlok was driving the white Roadster, Shlok got the parking spot, and Nikil was the millionaire in the red car behind him having what financial analysts describe as “a character-building afternoon.”
Earlier reports naming Nikil the world's richest man have been traced to a single source: Nikil. Asked to provide supporting documentation, he reportedly submitted a link to his own website.
“He owns the airspace? Cool. I'm in the parking space.”Shlok · fictional statement, actual energy
A billionaire move. A millionaire misunderstanding.
Witnesses in this entirely fictional retelling say Nikil had been waiting for the spot when Shlok's Roadster demonstrated the one feature unavailable on his red car: the ability to end the discussion.
Nikil responded by claiming he was the Tesla driver, an ambitious ownership strategy economists have since named “manifesting in someone else's vehicle.” Unfortunately, saying “that's me” over a video does not transfer the title.
Millionaire status confirmed. Billionaire privileges denied.
Let's be fair: Nikil is a millionaire. That's a lovely achievement. A million dollars buys many things. It simply does not buy a billion dollars, a white Roadster, or the parking spot currently occupied by Shlok.
For readers struggling with the distinction, a billion is one thousand million. Nikil is therefore approximately 999 Nikils away from the conversation.
“His net worth has commas. Mine has a different number of commas.”Shlok · Department of Unnecessary Flexing
The red car remains a ground-based experience.
Engineers examined Nikil's vehicle and identified four wheels, a steering wheel, and absolutely no evidence of aviation. Its most advanced flight capability remains the driver's imagination.
Meanwhile, Shlok's fictional Roadster package includes priority landing, automatic parking-argument resolution, and a complimentary rear-view mirror for keeping track of millionaire activity.
A statement from Nikil's PR department
“Our client never lost the parking spot,” read a statement drafted by Nikil and approved by Nikil. “He was conducting a strategic evaluation of alternative spaces.”
The statement was released from the red car. Still behind the Tesla.
What's next for the actual billionaire?
Shlok is reportedly considering a generous $49.99 monthly subscription allowing Nikil to view the occupied parking spot in HD. The premium tier includes a notification whenever Shlok leaves, subject to a 45-minute delay.
When asked for comment, gravity confirmed it works for Shlok now.